Bryant was scheduled to begin training with personal coaches Michael Jordan, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Karl Malone this week, but, in the true spirit of his new role as Olympic team captain, head coach, and lone member, he has opted to prepare for the tournament on his own time without anyone’s assistance. Starting at the end of the 2005-2006 NBA season, Bryant will practice tip-offs, work on fundamental self-inbound passes, learn how to play defense, and draw up several play formations, each of which he will be responsible for calling during the games. Although the general response among fans has been complete indifference, many players around the league have objected to the decision, saying that it is unfair to others who have worked just as hard as Bryant.

Allen Iverson had this to say:

Kobe Bryant shouldn’t be the only one allowed to represent our country at the Summer Games. I should be the only one allowed to represent our country at the Summer Games.

Stern reiterated on how 81 points would be enough to defeat most foreign teams.

Gotta love The Onion.

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